Snape's Funniest Moments
by huffleclaw22
Summary: The title says it all.


**A/N: I'll only continue this if I get requests for specific scenarios. Basically if I get no reviews; then this will remain a one-shot about a particular scenario I really wanted to write, but if I do get reviews; then this will turn into a series of non canon Snape scenarios based off of your guys requests. Make sense? Good. :)**

**JK ROWLING IS TOTALLY BOSS FOR WRITING HARRY POTTER, NONE OF THIS IS MINE! :D:D:D**

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**Scenario 1: Prefect Patrol Bust (Rated T)**

Hannah Abbott was patrolling near the kitchens at night, it was her turn to guard as she was one of the Hufflepuff prefects. "Lumos maxima," she whispered, lighting her wand brighter.

Nothing seemed particularly out of the ordinary. Not a student out of bed and no noises could be heard at all, the corridors were completely silent and empty as they should have been at that time of night.

Hannah sighed "Nox", she lowered her wand. She turned on her heel to go back towards the Hufflepuff basement common room. Just then, out of nowhere, she could hear loud footsteps approaching and spun to face the source.

It seemed like no matter which direction she turned, no one was there. Then, "Hannah!" suddenly a boy's voice whispered her name. Hannah jumped and dropped her wand on the floor.

There was a slight chuckle and then a pair of arms were wrapped around her waist. "Shh, it's just me," the voice whispered. Hannah turned to face a certain member of the lion house, Neville Longbottom, her secret boyfriend.

Hannah giggled quietly "Merlin's beard, you scared me!" she snapped, whacking his arm playfully.

Neville grinned "Did I?" he asked in low tones so they wouldn't alert any of the professors.

Hannah ruffled his fluffy brown hair and pecked his cheek lightly. "Yes, you know it's not very nice to scare people, Longbottom," she said, loosening his crimson and gold Gryffindor tie.

Neville gently brushed a loose strand of honey blonde hair away from her face. "I'm sorry," he said with his best puppy dog eyes.

Hannah giggled again "It's okay," she whispered as Neville undid the top button on her blouse.

Neville smiled mischeviously and slowly backed her against a wall. "You sure?" he asked, hiking her gray pleated skirt above her knees.

Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck and raised her left knee in between his legs. "Yeah, I'm sure," she giggled.

Neville chuckled quietly "I thought prefects were supposed to be good girls, but you're one bad badger, eh?" he breathed down her neck.

Hannah smiled innocently "Who me?" she asked.

Neville grinned "Yeah, and also an extremely sexy badger," he added with a silly smirk. He slowly traced the 'P' on her prefect badge.

Hannah leaned closer, batting her eyelashes against his as their noses brushed together. "Look who's talking, you majestic lion of a sex god you," she whispered back.

Neville smiled sheepishly "I wouldn't call myself a sex god..." he shrugged.

Hannah shushed him "Shut it, just snog me," she giggled in the darkness of the abandoned corridor.

Neville gently tilted her head to the side and let his lips meet hers, time froze for what seemed like forever but was actually only about fifteen minutes. Suddenly more footsteps could be heard echoing down the corridor, but Neville and Hannah weren't paying attention enough to notice.

"Ms. Abbott, Mr. Longbottom, care to explain yourselves?" asked the always unpleasant drawl of none other than Professor Snape, Potions Master and head of Slytherin house.

Neville and Hannah jumped apart, their faces went beet red in shocked embarassement. "Er, Professor Snape, I can-" Hannah started.

Snape held up his left hand dismissively. "No Ms. Abbott, you can't explain. It would be utterly idiotic to think that a house prefect, who's sole function is to set a good example, could possibly explain why she was caught snogging her boyfriend in an empty corridor in the middle of the night while she was supposed to be patrolling..." he said.

"Er..." Hannah blushed an even brighter shade of red.

"Fifty points from Hufflepuff, for failing to do your job," Snape snapped. Hannah's eyes widened, she opened her mouth to speak, then shut it again.

Snape rounded on Neville next "Ah, Mr. Longbottom," he adressed him in a bored tone.

Neville cowered against the wall, for some reason Snape still terrified him. "Y-yes Sir?" he stuttered nervously.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor, for sneaking out of bed and distracting a school prefect from doing her required job," Snape replied. Neville scowled but he didn't say anything.

Snape looked at them coldly "I ought to tell Pomona about the mediocre performance shown by her prefects. You wouldn't find Ms. Parkinson or Mr. Malfoy fooling around off the job, no I wouldn't allow that. As for Mr. Longbottom, I'd like to think Minerva would have a field day with this," he mused.

Hannah shook her head "No please Professor Snape, I'm sorry..." she pleaded.

Neville nodded "Yeah, i-it won't happen again," he added, shifting nervously on his feet.

Snape smirked "It better not, go to bed, now," he ordered.

Neville and Hannah both rushed off in opposite directions. Snape rolled his eyes and stalked back to his office, muttering to himself about how much he despised teenagers and their silly antics.

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**A/N: Like I said, requests are taken in reviews, otherwise this will remain a one-shot. I WILL write about any characters you guys want in any scenario you guys want, as long as it's a funny Snape moment. :)**


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